ewrestlingfandomcom-20200213-history
Kelly Millis
Kelly Millis is a former American librarian and current bottomless waitress and professional wrestling personality working for the WNWA and The Liberal Librarian. History Millis was the former director of Braddock County Public Library. He was also the wrestling manager of Retro, Master Harry Bates, Inez Mitchell, Joannie Saulright and Harlan Newsom. He was recently embroiled in a bitter feud with former BCPL employee Aaron Whitaker who destroyed him in a Lumber Minion match at Memorial Day Massacre to take possession of the library. Whitaker fired most of the staff and turned the library into a restaurant. Millis' library career began as a paraprofessional, joing BCPL in 1972 while studying for an AB degree in history and political science at Braddock College (now University). He graduated from Central University of North Texas' library school in 1977. He later became head of Business Research Services at BCPL. When he was about to leave BCPL to take a job as a midwife, BCPL director Bill Dallas persuaded him to stay by creating the position of Research Services Division Manager. When Dallas retired, Millis outmaneuvered several more deserving candidates (some long-time BCPL employees say after performing, ahem, favors for the county manager and hiring committee) for the position of director. Millis recently recievied the coveted Texas Library Association's GLBT Issues Committee's Awareness Award for his novel, A Man Named Kim: A Middle Aged Man Comes to Terms with His Sexuality. This was Millis' first novel and the first award from a library body that BCPL has ever won. Noah Retro, Millis' close friend and Children's Librarian at BCPL assisted with the research for the novel and contributed the forward to the book. BCPL kicked off a week-long celebration with attendees from the Texas chapter of NAMBLA. Unfortunately for Millis, someone stole the plaque for the award and replaced it with human feces with the word "A Cleveland Steamer for Kelly," written on a note. Millis, after a ten day stay at Ewing Memorial Hospital was released into the custody of The Liberal Librarian who tricked Millis into signing a paper that Millis believed to be his hospital release form but was actually an indenture forcing Millis into a seven-year personal services contract. The Lib then made Millis a bottomless waitress at An Inconvenient Cafe. When The Lib decided to move his band of misfits to the West Texas desert to a place called Libtown, he forced Millis to make the journey with him. When The Lib's stretch Prius ran out of gas he forced Millis and Tony Fanuci to pull the Prius the rest of the way after putting harnesses on them. Personal Life and views *Is a graduate of the Central University of North Texas's Library School. *Was one of the most effeminate citizens of Braddock. He was a regular patron of An Inconvenient Cafe. When that establishment was closed due to health violations, Millis allowed the Cafe to take the place of the adult non-fiction section of BCPL. Millis said that "we have been looking at a way to rid ourselves of the non-fiction section for some time. Most of our customers don't read non-fiction. Non-fiction is for educated people and is more academic. Our library focuses more on throw away fiction and computer use for our customers. We have also been looking to add a cafe to our library, so I feel that this cafe run by Judge Jennings and our own Liberal Librarian was a no brainer. I am just peachy keen, pleased as punch to have my favorite restaurant and entertainment spot in our library, fine sir." *Watched every move that his employees make on surveillance cameras and by monitoring their computer usage. Thankfully for him, these monitors do not apply to him, but a recent expose by The Braddock Times revealed that Millis looked at copious amounts of questionable material on the Internet. *Is a Christian conservative family man with children and grandchildren, yet rumors persist about his sexuality. He married Lilla Jane Kerner Millis on June 4, 1977, though they have recently separated and those close to him believe he is in the process of coming out. Shortly before losing to Whitaker, Millis moved into an apartment in downtown Braddock with his close personal friend, Retro and an area library consultant named Marcus. *When angered he will use the phrase "fine sir." *Was heavily involved in the Braddock Rotary Club and United Way of Greater Braddock. *Failed miserably in an attempt to become a member of SOLINET's Board of Directors. *Stabbed his chief lieutenant Luke Leftwich in the back in Leftwich's attempt to become Library Operations Manager. Instead, he picked the fascist Research Services Division manager, Inez Mitchell to take over the position formerly held by Liz Bien. *Appears to have scoliosis, reminiscent of Mr. Burns from The Simpsons and has heart of darkness baby doe eyes. Disclaimer Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Millis Millis